CBST's Trans Ally Guidelines

Be Open to Learning

Part of being an ally is admitting that you don’t know everything, and that’s okay! As long as you keep learning and are open to receiving feedback on being an ally, you’re headed in the right direction.

Ask About and Respect Pronouns

If you don’t know what pronouns someone prefers, ask! A simple, “Hey, I wanted to make sure I was using the right pronouns for you—what do you prefer?” will go a long way. This is also true for calling someone up for an aliyah . Asking someone how they’d liked to be called to the Torah (ben , bat , m’beit )  is always an appropriate question. Once you know, it is very important to use the right pronouns and gendered language. If you make a mistake, apologize and make a renewed effort. Do not dwell in your guilt, which can put trans people in the position of having to comfort you. In communal spaces, sharing preferred gender pronouns is the best way to respect the preferences of everyone  present, including trans people (you can do this along with a go-around when you share names).

Make Bathrooms Welcoming Spaces

Bathrooms are often a place of gender “policing,” harassment, and violence. Using a bathroom should be a stress-free experience. Do not question or comment on people’s choice of bathrooms. Let people use the bathroom they prefer and do your best to help make them a safer space. New York State law allows individuals to use any bathroom of their choosing.

Use Gender Inclusive Language

Language is a tool for visibility. A great way to signal that you are an ally is by using gender inclusive language in writing and when speaking (e.g. “People of all genders,” instead of “ladies and gentlemen”). Model this for your friends and co-workers. Notice when institutions use binary gender language on their literature, their forms, their bathrooms signs, and their websites. Be proactive and support institutions to change their language. Trans people need allies to help them with this work!

Be Mindful of the T

When talking about LGBT communities, politics, or individuals, be sure you’re actually speaking about trans people. Be mindful not to tokenize the T, when really you are addressing LGB issues. Think about ways that you can address issues of trans inclusion and gender diversity in your community.

Be Sensitive About Outing

Just because you  know that someone’s trans, doesn’t mean that everyone else does or should . Let trans people come out as trans when and if they want. Unless they’ve specifically said, “Yeah, tell the world I’m trans!” follow their lead when it comes to talking about someone else’s gender. Be mindful of assumptions you make about someone’s gender presentation and respect trans folks’ right to privacy about their gender identity. If you have known a trans person since before they changed their name and/or pronoun, don’t reveal their previous name/pronoun to others, even when talking in the past tense.

Respect People’s Names, Bodies, & Genders

If someone tells you what their name is, support them in that! There’s no need to know their “real name” or the name they were given at birth. Asking about it, or what surgeries they’ve had, what’s between their legs, or if they’re taking hormones, is generally disrespectful. These are private, personal issues. You can support and respect people’s boundaries by letting people define themselves.